Thank you so much. You have no idea how inspiring that was. Writing a book is the only goal i’ve ever had.. since I was a little girl… so to know that i’m so close to finally making it happen has been surreal. I love the that you used the word meaningful btw. because that really is the truth… meaningful relationships between women are sooooo few and far between. Thank you again! <3
the only advice I have to offer you, or anyone in your shoes, would be to ask yourself why.
See i’m sure most people would congratulate you just off the strength of being in your 20s and waiting to have sex… But I want you to know that there is nothing noble about the act of waiting itself. The noble part is the reason behind why you’ve waited…
I’ve known women who waited into their 20s like you have.. but they had no idea why. They figured that with age and time they would grow more valuable if they held on to their virginity. See somewhere out there a girl in her twenties believes that her virginity at 26 is worth more than it was at 16. And she’s wrong.
So if you take anything from my response, I want you take this: As a woman your strength and value will come from your ability to think for yourself. I know young girls all over the world are being taught to hold on to their virginities for as long as possible… but what they’re really being taught is that their value as women will come from between their thighs and not from their minds. They are being taught that one day they’ll meet a man, and because they waited, be worth more in his eyes.
I want you to know that virginity doesn’t equate self love. Only self love equates self love. No one is more whole because they have not had sex. Wholeness comes from love.. and love must come from yourself, first.
So first ask yourself why. and if the answer is truly because you aren’t ready for sex, I applaud you. I applaud you for being strong and for not only respecting your body, but for respecting your mind. And a strength like that is where your truest value exists. Because one day your virginity will be gone, but your strength will be there. If you aren’t ready, it’s no ones business but yours. You don’t have to explain that to anyone. You’ll know when you are… and when that day comes you’ll be so proud of yourself for being strong.
But… if you find that you are still a virgin because you might not feel as valuable once you’ve had sex, I want you to do something for yourself. I want you sit down with the most confident girls you know. and putting sex aside, I want you to find something admirable and beautiful about each one of them. I want you to do this because in that moment, while you search for beauty and strength in the words of other women, you will witness true value. and you witness how it has nothing to do with sex.
Beautiful women are strong women. and although strong women all share different ideas and view points on subjects like sex… they all have one thing in common: Yes a strong woman knows her worth… but more importantly, a strong woman knows that her worth comes from her mind - never from between her legs.
i’ve actually been asked this before.. many times.
I’m not hard. I don’t have some hard shell like layer to protect myself. I just exist. I feel things. I love people very much. I love the things I love, very much. I’m just.. not hard. I’m not cold. I’m not hiding behind anything. My attitude isn’t a defense mechanism. It doesn’t pop up when I feel like I might be in danger… it’s who I am. All of the time. It’s much simpler than it seems honestly… To answer your question: I’m neither rough or soft. I’m just know who I am. I’m always myself. And because I can be myself out in the open… I can be rough, I can be soft. I can be whatever I want at any moment. I don’t have to pretend to be more of one than the other. I don’t have to pretend at all.