A person once told me that I would lose myself in love. By that i’m sure she meant I was obsessing. I was losing the bits and pieces of myself that she was once familiar with. And it isn’t an uncommon thing to say. It’s a concern from a loved one. A warning from someone who cares about whether or not you slip into a depression over someone they might have introduced you to. But there are things that these people, the ones who care, won’t tell you. Things they won’t warn you about that are equally concerning. They won’t tell you that you can kiss without feeling. That you can have sex without connecting. Or that you can actually convince yourself that the love you feel for someone else isn’t enough. No one will tell you that you can be alone while together. That you can sit next to someone you love and feel as though your bodies are on opposite sides of the world. That you can wonder how the lines ever connected, how it ever worked.
Love will make you believe it is falling apart slowly. Distances, fights, inabilities to trust - all things that make us think our feelings are being slowly chipped away at. And out of sadness over the unknown, we wander out into some empty space and begin to hold on to each other with an uncomfortable grip. We cling to each other so dramatically because if we don’t, this empty space we’ve entered will surely swallow one of us up. But no one tells you that all of this can all happen as you lay directly next to a person. No one tells you that life doesn’t pull you together or break you away. No one tells you that it’s you. You do this.
You are responsible because you don’t love from your heart. No one does. You love from your need. You aren’t holding on to who another person is; you’re holding on to who you want them to be. You love your facades, but not your vulnerabilities. And so, that’s what you ask of people. You ask them to give you their best facade and you manage to carry on without ever having to witness their vulnerabilities.
You also believe your love has limits. Because someone once told you that there’s a beginning and end to it all. You say that you are in love or out of love or that you stopped loving, which only implies that the love you have to give and receive is limited. Because no one tells you that the love we feel cannot be used up. No one tells you that the one thing we are capable of understanding about love is that it is limitless. No one tells you that you should not add humanity onto love, and so no one stops you from limiting the love you give and the love you receive. No one stops you from building boxes around the ways love can be expressed.
No one reminds you that your heart is an organ. That it doesn’t need regenerating because it was never broken. No one tells you that though the distance between two people can seem so far, there is no distance between feelings. No one tells you that your human need to define and categorize is actually restricting of love. Your desire to please and your fears of the unknown are both proof that you are not without love. But no one tells you that love is immeasurable.
The truth is this:
You will float in and out of peoples lives for the rest of your life. And each time you leave or you are left, you will attribute some part of it to a lack of love. And each time you will be wrong.
Because no one tells you that there is never not love.
The best way to get over a breakup is to get over yourself. When you take yourself too seriously every life event is bound to feel like the fucking titanic. I'm happy because I decided that nothing in my life has been serious enough for me not to be.
Not because I read “10 ways to get over him” on buzzfeed.
I’m starting to cringe every time I hear someone say something like “whatever i’ll just take him less seriously.” and i’m a 22 year old girl with a female best friend. We say these things a lot. I finally realized that most of my problems with the opposite sex stem from taking myself too seriously. Why do we think the dude who hasn’t responded to our message in 3 days actually cares whether he moves from 1st to 4th place? Do you truly think he cares that his name in your contacts is no longer “babe” and that he’s returned to to John?
You will not find what you want by taking people less serious. It’s dramatic. And it only shows that you take yourself too seriously to begin with.